Something that I spoke about publicly for the first time at ILSb this year is the fact that my previous relationship was emotionally and physically abusive. Before SIR Alan and I got together I was in a D/s relationship for approximately a year and a half that left me a broken man. The worst part about it is that just like many in that situation, I didn't see the signs at first. I lived in a world of denial about the entire thing because "No that won't happen to me..." etc.
Because of this past I have always had issues channeling much impact play.
When SIR Alan and I got together five years ago today, her certainly did not have the man and boy that he has today. He has done so much over the years to help me rebuild myself into the strong and confident person I am now. He has now helped me to overcome another barrier as well.
This past weekend at the Northwest LeatherSIR/boy/community bootblack contest, SIR Alan flogged me for only the second time ever. At first I was intimidated by the concept, based on previous experience. However, trusting him as much as I do I know that I was in a wonderfully safe place. The scene lasted probably 30-40 minutes and at one point I just felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. SIR Alan recognized the change immediately and placed his hand on my shoulder. As soon as he touched me I started to cry. Not out of sadness, but out of relief. I'm still not entirely sure how to explain the feeling other than to say that the next morning I felt like a completely different person. So much of the baggage that I had been carrying around for all these years was suddenly gone.
This was apparently just the therapy I needed and I am so thankful that it happened.
I'm certainly not saying that this is the same thing that everyone should do to deal with their baggage, but it certainly worked for me.
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